Wednesday, October 24, 2007

A day in the life of an average joe pt. 4 - If I only knew then

For most people high school must be the best 4 years of their lives. Sure some people go onto college or other things, but high school is a time of dramatic changes and I think most people would remember it that way. For me high school was none of that. For years I blamed it on the school itself but now that 20 years has gone by I can finally admit that it was me along along that caused my high school years to be filled with things that I would like to change.

When I was in 8th grade the pastor from our church came into the classroom to ask us where the students had decided to go to high school, You basically had 4 choices, New Bedford High School, New Bedford Vocational High School, Holy Family High School or Bishop Stang High School. If you wanted to go to any school besides NBHS, you had to take a placement test to get in. I took the test for HF and BS high school because in all honestly I did not want to go to public high school. Was it because I thought I would get a better education at a non public school? No. I choose catholic high school for two reasons: fear and loyalty.

I use the loyalty excuse because my father was a graduate of Bishop Stang himself. He graduated from the 3rd graduating class in 1965 and so he thought I should attend there as well. The fear part of it was a whole different matter. I mentioned before that the church pastor came in to talk to us about where we would be going to school. He walked in the class room as asked us to raise our hands after he named each high school so he could get an idea of who was going to each school. He asked about Bishop Stang and about 9 of us raised our hands. The pastor then stated that this was a good choice and that a small space in heaven was reserved for us. He then asked about NB high school. A few students raised their hands. The pastor shook his head and stated that these few students would find their small space in hell for that. Wow! If that doesn't scare you just a bit into choosing a high school then what does.

I was fortunate that during my freshman year I was able to help out some senior kids with something and they took a liking to me. We weren't friends but they would say hello to me as we passed in the hall or at lunch. Brian Miguel became my best friend and I made others as well. My friends were not the popular group but we didn't care. When it came to girls in school, I was very shy. I had a two year crush on two girls at school, Christine and Sherri. They were part of the popular group and so I dared not approach them. Funny though, during my senior prom, my date very very sick and could not dance but she insisted that I go and have fun with my friends. I was on the dance floor and Sherri came over and told me to dance with her. I thought i was going to have a stroke. it was the best 3 minutes of that prom for me. Even though I had friends come from my grammar school, once we entered high school, they made new friends and we became more distant. One friend I separated from was Diane Lawrence. We would talk and hang out in grammar school but in high school she was friends with the in crowd and again I thought there was no getting in. Some friends just went their own ways and you stop being friends, even though no one did anything wrong. Paul Dutra and Ed Wojnar are two examples. Actually Bruce Alves is another. We just went our own ways and stopped being friends.

Being the shortest kid in grammar school was a disadvantage. being the 2nd shortage is high school was even worse. in high school , all the girls thought Brian Espinola was just the cutest thing. And he was the shortest. Being 2nd shortest got you shit. My freshman guidance counselor, Jim McNamee, tried to set me up with some Senior, that was pretty embarrassing. that probably should have been the red flag that high school was not going to be like I thought it was.

I was not a very good student when it came to academics. Part of the reason was I was not very motivated. I did not go homework the way I should have, I did not study the way I should have. I always had a hard time learning. As an adult I was diagnosed with ADD. As a kid before there was such a thing, i was just labeled lazy and someone who did not pay attention in class. My freshman year i had 5 classes and I got 5 pink slips for low grades. That was a fun thing to bring home for the parents to sign. I did better as the years went on by I was never a A/B student. I was more like a C+ student with an occasional B-. My one saving grace was my sense of humour. I remember one student names Greg Sequin told me he would give me $1 if he could lock me in his locker so when his locker partner arrived he would open it and I would jump out and scare him. Greg gave me a $100 bill my mistake and once he realized it it was a fight for that money. I lost. My senior year Sean O'Hara gave me Ex-lax wrapped in a Hershey candy bar wrapper. I ate the whole thing and then had diarrhea so bad after that I thought I was going to die. He thought it was funny at the time but I think he felt bad later on. His family had a big graduation party at his house and he invited me which, at the time I thought was odd because we really didn't hang out. I went because I knew Sherri was going to be there but I played shy there as well and could not even ask her to dance. It would be another year before I got out of the shyness mold.

So 20 years later what would I have done differently? I would have been more active in school activities. Even though I had no athletic ability I could run fast so maybe I should have tried out for track. Maybe I should have tried out for the school play. I know I should have applied myself more in my studies. My ex wife makes fun of me all the time and tells me how I was not popular in school but I never went to school to be popular. It didn't matter then and it doesn't matter now that I was not in with the in crowd I made some great friends and we all went through the same struggles together. I do think about where some of the students I graduated with are now. I have gone online to see where they are or what they are doing. My 20th reunion is in a few weeks; I wont be going. the 10th year reunion was a disaster. But that is for next time.


Thursday, October 18, 2007

A day in the life of an average joe - Part 3, school daze

Leaving my middle school and going to high school was not a great experience in my life. I graduated from a catholic grammar school that had about 200 students and went to a catholic high school that had about 1100. For me, the transition was not a good one. I knew a group of kids that were leaving my school and going to the same high school as I was so I thought that would be great, it's always good to know some people so you don't feel like your the only new kid. These other students were not really friends, just kids in my class. When I got to the high school, they branched off and did their own things and I felt pretty much alone. The other problem I had was in grammar school I had a pretty equal number of male and female friends. Once I walked through the doors of my new school I became so shy around girls. I'll never forget freshman orientation, seeing a whole new crop of girls and thinking how cute they all were and also how unobtainable they were. What every person needs in a time like this is one good friend. It happened in my freshman algebra class. We were to pair off in groups of two to solve some word problems that really were not algebra related. I partnered up with Brian Miguel. Brian was a kid who was taller then I was (no shock there, I was the 2nd smallest kid until my Junior year) and a lot heavier. He used to wear some thick glasses also. By the time that 45 minute class was over I knew Brian and I would be good friends. We had so many things in common from movies we liked to TV shows to our dry sarcastic styles of humour.

The best part of any day was lunch. I saw it as my mission to get Brian to laugh during lunch and I found a multitude of ways to do so. It ranged from a bad impression of Judas Priest in his older and less creative years to flinging a tomato seed on my friend's face and yelling how big of a zit he had. I sat at the same table and ate lunch with the same guys every day. Tom Whalen, Ernie Joint, Mike Texieria, Mark Shields, Brian Miguel, and Danny Sheehan. Ernie was the brain of the group, Tom was not far behind in brain power which made him feel a bit more down to my level; though not by much because I was far below Tom's smarts. Tom also came from a family that was well off and I sometimes felt inferior to Tom, not that it was his fault. Mark was from a farming town and so we called him a farmer even though he was not from a farm. Mike was another good guy that was like all of us, just a little socially awkward. Mike used to be a huge fan of the TV show "Knight Rider" and even named his black Dodge Reliant K car "Kitt." Mike also used to wear a class ring and claim he could speak to the dead. As bad as a group we were, Danny made us look like the social elite. I used to put sandwich meat in Danny's books as a gag and Danny would always just take it. In today's world a guy like Danny would probably not be so tolerant. It was always Brian that made lunch fun. I would get him to laugh so much that soda would come out of his nostrils, whats funnier then that.

We used to go the mall all the time. While most teenagers go there to be social and hang out, Brian and I went to the movies and just walked around. If the mall had more then one floor we used to buy candy and try and drop it in the mouth of the other guy from the 2nd floor. Brian and I also came close to crashing our cars in our senior year. We were driving in a pick up truck that I decided to drive over an embankment. I almost rolled it over on us. Brian was driving me home one day in his car when we were going down a hill in the rain and his brakes didn't stop us. We hydroplaned down the hill almost through a red light. The funny part was while that was happening we were singing reggae songs about us dying in his car.

In the 4 years I went to high school, Brian and I only had that one class together and lunch. Brian was smarter and more driven in his school work and so he always did well. He was accepted into Boston University as a film major and after graduation, moved to Los Angeles. Funny story, My brother and one of his friends and myself were flying to Las Vegas for a quick vacation and Brian was going to join us. We flew in from Boston and were waiting for Brian to arrive because our flights were timed to arrive about the same time. After a few minutes this guy comes up to me and asks if he can have a quarter for the phone and I tell him I don't have one so he walks away. He comes back a second later laughing. It was Brian, but not the Brian I saw last. He died his hair blond, lost the glasses and about 80 pounds and had a little goatee thing going. California living did him very well.

It was 24 years ago this September that Brian and I met. Since he moved to California, I have flown out there twice to visit, and he came out here twice, once for my wedding and once for his own. We talk on the phone sometimes and e-mail about once every month. Still to this day I consider Brian to be my best friend. There were alot of times in high school that were not so much fun, though some fun managed to sneak in from time to time, but that is for the next posting.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

a day in the life of an average Joe, part 2 -neighborhood friends

As I mentioned in an earlier posting, I grew up in a small neighborhood. It wasn't so small that you knew everyone's name but you knew your neighbors and maybe their neighbors as well. The house that I grew up in was at the head of a t-shaped intersection. What made this great was when we would have a neighborhood game of kickball. The sewer drain in front of my house served as home plate, there were two other drains for first and third, and we would just use chalk to mark second base. Near my house there were a few kids that I played with on a regular basis. Across the street were the Osbornes. There was Quen, the mother, Lynn was the oldest daughter, Kim was the middle daughter and Greg was the youngest son. Lynn was about my age and Kim was just a couple of years younger. Greg was about 7 years behind me if I remember correctly. Down the street was Sarah Kepkhe. I don't remember playing with Sarah as much but we would sometimes. Because the grammer school I went to was not close to my house I had two groups of friends, the school friends and the neighborhood friends. This is about the neighborhood friends. There was one house across from Sarah at 21 Blaze Road and that was where my best friend in the neighborhood lived. His name was Roger Ouimet.

Roger was a little younger then me but he was always taller then I was. I dont mean taller by an inch or two, I mean taller like in a foot. I remember at my fifth birthday party Roger was standing next to me in a photo and he was so tall standing next to me. We did everything together; We rode bikes, we played cops and robbers, we played kickball, hide and go seek. There were so many things to do. In the winter me built snow forts, in the fall we jumped in leaves, in the summer we would be out all day until the street lights came on. We used to follow the garbage truck on our bikes as it drove around the neighborhood crushing all the trash in the back of the truck, thinking that it was a cool job. I remember that Roger's dad had a collection of playboy magazines in his basement ands we would try and sneak a peak every now and then. Trying to get down there with out getting caught was like trying to get into Fort Knox, or so it seemed at the time. Rogers father worked very far from home and after a while I think it was too much so Roger and his family moved to Westerly Rhode Island. I was about 12 at that time. Roger and I saw each other a few times after that but we lost contact with one another. I heard he joined the navy and became a doctor but i dont know for sure. I thought I may have found out where he lived when I did an online search for him and even though I wrote him, I have not heard a reply yet. I hope that I do.

Lynn Osborne was just a bit older then I was. She was also the first girl I had a crush on. Actually she was the first girl I ever saw naked. I was about 7. She told me if I took off all my clothes and laid on top of her she would have a baby and we would get married so we did. Of couse none of the baby or marriage stuff ever happened but at 7 I thought I had my life all planned out. As Lynn got older we also stopped being as close and I stared to hang out more with Kim. Like most other things, we ended up going our own seperate ways and lost touch.

There was one other kid in the neighborhhod, we called him Mooney. For the life of me I cant recall his real name. He was older then I was and we did not hang out. The reason I mention him is because Years after he had moved and gone on in his life I met a kid in high school named Matt. Matt's father was in the FBI and we were talking about it one day and come to find out his partner was Mooney's dad. Small world sometimes.

As I got older the nieghborhood changed. After Roger moved it seemed like there were less kids to play with in the neighborhood, or the kids were either older or younger then I was. I was in high school at that point and I was making new friends as well and in high school I met one kid who would fill the loss I had with Roger moving. His name was Brian Miguel and to this day we are stil friends, even though he lives 3000 miles away from me. But that is all for another story.

Friday, October 12, 2007

A day in the life of an average joe, part 1- the early years

I decided to go with a new idea. I am going to write about my life as I see it. I will be honest with names and events to the best of my recollection. I'm not rich, not famous, not handsome. I never really excelled at much, but at the same time i am not poor, not completely unknown, and not ugly. I am just your average Joe.

I was born in 1969, just after Halloween. The house I grew up in was built right before I was born. My parents moved in the day I came home from the hospital. Back in those days the mother actually got to stay in the hospital for more then one day, just to make sure mom was doing alright before she went home to care for a new born. For the first few years my mother was a stay at home mom and my father worked a 9-5 job. His job was with the telephone company. Back then you could still get a good job with out a college degree. As my father tells it, he decided to take the phone company entrance exam to get out a math class in high school, and the rest is history. Getting jobs in the utilities back in the day was gold. A job you had until you retired.

The neighborhood I grew up in was what some people refer to as a cardboard village. There were about 200 homes in the neighborhood but there were only about 5 styles to choose from so most of the houses look alike, except maybe in color. When I was growing up the neighborhood was filled with families that were mostly starting out so most of the children were about the same age, went to the same school, and had the same friends. My one difference was that I went to a different school. I took a bus there because it was not with in walking distance to where I lived. I lived far from the school but there were a couple of kids that were just a little further away then I was so, the further away you lived the earlier you got picked up in the morning or dropped off i the afternoon. I attended St. Mary's School, a catholic school that went from k-8. Across the street next to the playground was St. Mary's Church, but we will caver more of that later.

One of my earliest school friends was a kid by the name of Bruce Alves. Bruce was the youngest of 8 kids. Bruce was a few weeks older then me and my mother was friendly with one of his sisters , still to this day. When I started 1st grade, my mother was working at nights and my father worked until 5 so I would take the bus to Bruce's house and his mother would watch me until my father picked me up. Bruce's mother used to make us sugar toast sandwiches as a snack, they were so good. Basically, she buttered some toast and put a sprinkle of sugar on it. It was like eating a piece of heaven, well for a 6 year old anyway. Bruce lived with one of his mother and father and one older sister. His sister Terry was probably one of my first crushes. Bruce was in most way's a better kid then I was, so I thought. He was better in school and better in sports. he was also more outgoing in most respects then I was. I remember sitting around his kitchen table one day and his mother was asking us what we wanted to be when we grew up. I was going to be your typical police officer, fireman, astronaut kind of guy; Bruce was going to be a marine biologist. At that time I didn't even know what the hell that was.

Across the road from Bruce's house was a forest. It was great to go out there and play. There was plenty of paths to run on and places to hide as well. We would pretend that we were looking for Indian artifacts, we built a bear trap once, though there were not any bears for 100's of miles. We also played baseball and rode bikes. One of our games was to ride our bikes side by side trying to put a stick in the front spokes of the other's bike, causing them to flip over the handlebars. I look back at that now and think how crazy we were. Occasionally his sister Terry would watch us. One day we were driving her crazy. I don't remember what was going on but she was so pissed off at us and told us to "go to hell." Just to be little creeps we went into the basement of the house where there was a hone in the foundation for a sump pump in case water got into the basement. We gathered two shovels and started banging then against the floor near the hole. Terry, hearing the commotion came downstairs in a huff and yelled " what are you two guys doing down there?" Of course we answered " We are going to dig our way to hell, just like you told us to." She could not slam the basement door on us fast enough.

But the times we played were not always fun. I can't believe i did this but I told Bruce one day to lay down on the living room floor because I was going to jump over him. Instead, i jumped on top of his chest, knocking the wind out of him. Needless to say he was hurt, and a little pissed because he thought I jumped on him purposely to hurt him.. The truth was that was exactly what happened but I would never admit that to him. As we grew older Bruce and I became more distant. Bruce stilled excelled at school whereas I struggled. Bruce was good at little league baseball. I on the other hand? First let me state that until my junior year of high school, I was always the shortest kid in my class. The same was true for baseball. I was not very athletic, i was not the worst player but not anywhere near the best. My biggest problem was I could not hit well and to be truthful, I didn't have a very good understanding of the game. Sure I knew where the bases were and the positions on the team. What i didn't know were the deeper things like if you were on 1st base and the batter popped up to right field , if you had taken a lead off 1st, you had to go back and "tag up" before you ran to 2nd. I learned that lesson the hard way. My 1st year on the team I was made the bat boy. In little league there is never been a position that made a child feel far inferior to all other players as the bat boy. the next year I was made the right fielder. Most adult male parents will understand that right field is usually where the worst player is assigned to play. In my 2nd year, I had the ball hit to me three or four times is 16 games. I think I only caught it once. The other times it went above my head out to the fence. Of course I could not throw it too far so the cut off man, usually the 2nd baseman would have to come way out into right fiend to get it. Yeah guess who played 2nd base on my team; Bruce.

There was one thing that I was better at then Bruce and that was in Judo class. I started in Judo after I was involved in a fight in my front yard with a neighborhood bully. This was only one of two fights I was ever in my whole life. I took a beating but not as bad as it could have been. My one big advantage was i had very skinny arms that were great for strangulating. I could not box but if I could get you down on the ground i could wrestle you like anything. After the fight my father asked me if I wanted to try Judo and it sounded good to me. Plus Bruce didn't do it so it gave me the chance to out perform him finally. It was only a matter of time before Bruce signed up too. But during the matches I usually did better then him.. One thing that was funny was Bruce's sister came to the practices a lot and she met one of my instructors named Mike. Terry ended up marrying Mike and so I always joked that it was because of my Judo lessons that they met.
s
Bruce and I are not friends anymore. As we went to high school, his friends and mine were different, His friends were more of the cool crowd, mine were the more socially awkward. Bruce went onto college and got a good job. I heard one day he was in a very bad car accident and he ended up having problems with his speech and walking for a bit but he pulled through in typical Bruce fashion. It was one of the few times I was glad that Bruce was a stronger person then I was. He married and had kids and I saw him one time back in the mid 90's. Bruce and his wife came by the house to visit, talk about old times and about our kids. I don't know what Bruce is doing now but I hope he is well.

next time I will talk about my other friend, Roger Ouimet, my neighborhood and best friend until high school.